So anyone who is a Bing Bang fan probably heard that Kaley
Cuoco is getting a divorce. I love how the media focuses squarely on the
"only married 21 months" element of the relationship and feels it
appropriate to list all the red flags she should have seen. Like I attempt to
do each day with anxiety and depression, I am going to try and make divorce a
little more real for y'all here.
I know nothing about Kaley's relationship and it's not my
business, but it's no doubt a sad one, as it is rare that two people mutually
choose to end a marriage and are both able to do so without negative feeling.
Possible, but uncommon. I was married for a little over a year when I chose to
separate from and eventually divorce my now ex-husband. We had been together
for a total of about 26 months. And like any relationship, there was good and
bad. Hell, for anyone to choose to marry someone and commit to what they think
at the time is a lifelong thing, at least some element of the relationship is
positive.
Anyhow, when I got divorced, most people were pretty
understanding, even those that saw the red flags because our relationship, like
this celebrity's, was a whirlwind in many aspects. My true friends and my
family didn't care because, really, "I told you so" did no one any
favors. But I had a few people judge, albeit unintentionally. I also dealt with
(and still deal with) people's discomfort over the fact that I chose to end my
marriage. Which is funny, because I came to grips with it, what, over four
years ago now? No easy feat, but the other option is to not cope with it, so
somehow you find the strength to accept it as part of your life’s history. And
my reasons were valid. It didn't make the decision any lighter, nor did I choose
this option without counsel or prayer. I also had people act as though, if they
came to comfort me during that period, they would "catch" divorce
from me and their relationship with their S.O. would suffer (yes, that really
happened with a former close friend. Note the former).
Many people concern themselves with relationship timelines
others adhere to. Or the age a person is when s/he marries. I have big,
shocking news for anyone who is married/significantly with someone, and/or
anyone who thinks it would NEVER happen to them. Most folks that marry or
choose to share their lives together don't go into it assuming they will not
end up with the person 30 years later. Unless you enjoy emotionally harming
yourself, you likely don't put yourself through all that emotional and legal
stuff thinking assuredly that your union will certainly end soon. And none of
that stuff – age, timeline of courtship, etc.
– really matters; it’s all so much more than that. Common interests.
Life timelines of what each other wants and when. Lifestyles. Finance. In-laws.
The whole nine. And what you marry into at age 25-30 may change when you’re
40-50, so anyone who acts like they know everything about it is diluted. I am
clearly not an expert, but I am at least smart enough to not judge others’
because, hey, it’s not me and it’s not my life. That rule really should apply
to most things that don’t concern oneself, but our society has become a hasty
judgment-based one and it’s plain sad.
Sometimes, things in a relationship DO change. And circumstances
present themselves AFTER the "I do" and those memes with the old
couples saying they used to “fix things” in their era is BULLSHIT. More people
stayed in hopeless unions in the past, or married for practicality and not
love. Sometimes, to be frank, shit happens.
Everyone is one step away from the life they think they
could never be living in. Just because you don't "believe" in it something
or can't comprehend it, doesn’t mean that you are A. above it or B. immune to
it. Be thankful if you don't go through it and support the shit out of your
friends and family that do. Yes, it's a choice, but in most cases, in order to
be happy, it is really the only choice.
