So Easter weekend went so much better than I would've expected. Which is funny in a way...as someone with an anxiety disorder, it isn't naturally-occurring for me to anticipate positive outcomes. But I had a lovely three-day weekend with my partner in crime and a visit with my immediate family that was panic-free.
I even ate in front of them. When my anxiety is in its spiral-y, terrible stages, it affects my eating habits greatly...which is unfortunate given my innate, stereotypically Italian love of food. Ham, macaroni and cheese, cornbread...the whole nine. Best idea ever to have dinner catered by Boston Market. As a recovering agoraphobic, I worry about enough! So food wasn't a worry on Sunday. We laughed, talked and enjoyed one another's presence.
In the two days leading up to Easter, I also went out in public to a number of places on a holiday weekend and didn't pass out or die. Target, Jenny's Kuali restaurant (best Good Friday meatless dinner ever), Redner's, a friend's apartment to cat-sit and many other locales were visited. I still have setbacks or times of panic, but it's not as life-altering as it used to be. And that's the goal.
The anxiety and panic is essentially part of my makeup. I am never going to be one of those cool cats that listens to Steve Miller Band and wears patchouli. I am neurotic and anxious and I always have to plan ahead. I fret and anticipate and think a lot about my past, present AND future. I think a lot, period. But it doesn't kill me. And I'm feeling OK right now. And that, my friends, is a victory in itself.