One thing I am able to say about the experience of suffering a nervous breakdown and working to recover from its aftermath without the promise of a concrete timeline that promises that the suffering will stop and I will feel "normal" again...is that the experience is a humbling one. I think twice before I interpret others' demeanors and wonder if, like me, they're hurting silently inside. I work hard to not do the exact thing that countless individuals have unintentionally done to me. I make sure not to discredit the feelings of others or diminish their pain. People make me angry on my worst days when they act inconsiderate, but I remind myself that in most instances, they don't know about what I am dealing with, and conversely, I don't know what they have going on in their world. So we exist in a world where we as a society don't always humble ourselves and consider others' circumstances. I can say with great confidence that I make a sound effort to do this even on days where it's difficult to function.
Yes, you read that right. For someone suffering from a mental health diagnosis rooted in anxiety and/or depression, it can be difficult to function. Much of a sufferer's day is spent trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy. Eating, maintaining steady breathing so as not to incite panic, sleeping, working, interacting with others...doing all of this while in a state of constant "look over the shoulder"-ness. I am constantly looking over my shoulder, wondering if I'll break down again, or more likely, if I will have a panic attack. The medicine helps and therapy offers excellent coping mechanisms, but I am wired to be anxious. It's hard to be present and enjoy life when your panic is at a high point.
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